Grazelda's Favorite Hits Part III: Regrets

I've been trying to make a list of Top 10 Regrets from cancer.  Beyond very particular instances with very particular people (for instance, I would have liked to have gone hiking with my mother), there's not all that much that I regret.   So, instead it's a Top 3 list. 


3. I wish I would have kept on top of correspondence better.  Hmm.  I suppose this is true for my non-cancerous life as well - it's a constant (joyful) struggle.  In any case, I am still blessed with many people to write to, and I will continue to work on that project.

2. I wish I would have given myself permission to cry a little more.  Despite my Bartel disposition to weeping, I worked hard to keep the tears in check when there were other people around (obviously, there were some exceptions when I was totally and utterly overwhelmed at the beginning).  When I look back, I think some more crying would have been in order.  Like in the doctor's office when I was first told I needed chemo.  Logically, the oncologist's is a perfectly normal place to experience and express some emotion.  Yes, I could have cried more.  

1. I wish I would have gotten a blue wig.  Heck, my insurance covers one "cranial prosthesis" per year.  While I knew I didn't want to pretend I had hair while really I was bald, a bright blue wig would not be pretending -  it would be awesome.  I'd be looked at as "Wow, that woman has blue hair!" instead of "Oh, that poor girl has cancer."  Not getting a blue (or maybe pink or purple or green) wig is definitely my number one regret.  

P.S.  With clever use of a headscarf, I fooled several more people in church on Sunday into thinking I had orange, sparkly hair.   Yes, it was from afar, and yes, it was only for a few seconds, but these are people who have known me with hair.  (Un)fortunately it's growing back in its typically mundane and beautiful shade of brown: No evidence of orange and sparkly, or even curly for that matter!