Things were sleepy in all ways in the Therapy room today. Contrary to my dreams, they are (as always) very supportive of patients controlling nausea and other bad side effects before they start. I was told in no uncertain terms that I do not have an S on my chest and therefore should not act like Superwoman. I think I feel pretty far from Superwoman today. The official count has my weight up 13 pounds since Monday. It's all fluid and none that I'm worried about, but I feel like some bizarre inverse google ad: Gain 13 pounds in 4 days! My joints feel and look sort of like this, which is uncomfortable.
I'm really, really tired, and prone to random acts of sobbing, which is only to be expected, but irritating nonetheless.
Tomorrow, for the first time in a week, I won't go in for chemo (although I probably get to start Bonus Bleomyocin Tuesdays, even on my off weeks). Word is that the few days right after are just as difficult if not worse. And I won't be under the watchful eyes of Nurse Shirley and the very kind Dr.s Hallum.
And there are some bits of everyday life I have to make sure get taken care of . . . moving? buying a car? Fortunately there are lots of key people who make these things possible, so I can focus on the hard stuff, like breathing and sleeping.
A poem given to me by my friend Kristi, that feels far too apropos today.
Standing is Stupid
-Shel Silverstein
Standing is stupid,
Crawling's a curse,
Skipping is silly,
Walking is worse.
Hopping is hopeless,
Jumping a chore,
Sitting is senseless,
Leaning's a bore.
Running's ridiculous.
Jogging's insane--
Guess I'll go upstairs and
Lie down again.
My family took my cape away from me a few years ago and never gave it back. They said it was for my own good (ha!) Does your mom still have hers? We tried to take my Mom's away but it wasn't possible, even at 87. I will whisper this: The older you get the more the cape gets in the way. Who knew????
ReplyDeleteMargaret, you wrote that last poem? I love it. And by the way, I don't think sipping is one bit silly ... sounds like one of the least uncomfortable things on the list, and I think the least uncomfortable things are the ones you should go for.
ReplyDeleteIf thoughts & intensity of them are any sign, I sure hope your load gets lighter. But, since I've heard that heavier loads means chemo's working better & probably mean you're more in tune with your load, I'll change my prayer to one of hoping you find the stamina to be grouchy, mad, angry and to tell all the fictional or real people you want to bug off.
I think it's just great for you to focus on breathing & sleeping, and let everyone else figure out the other details that somehow seem important but are not germane to your health.
Lots & lots of love & hugs,
Debbie
Diddo what Elizabeth said-it's been too long hearing from you and your parents. We had just returned from taking Doug to UF-We are empty nesters! I knew from your mom's short message that something was wrong. When your Dad told us about the events of the past few weeks, it sure made me feel small for feeling sad about Doug's no longer being at home. Put's things in perspective a bit! I thank you for sharing yourself with all of us-I'll keep checking on your progress (although you may not think of it as prgress). Let everyone take care of you and you concentrate on the moment-one at a time! Tell your mom and dad hi!
ReplyDeleteYou are in our prayers!
PS Love the pictures!
Nancy
You were mentioned on Steve Fuller's blog today, and I just wanted to send you my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI admire your courage, and your honesty, and pray for healing and encouragement for you!
God Bless-
Who knew the Michelin man had such stylish scarves?
ReplyDelete